1.Set clear boundaries. Decide when and where you need to set better boundaries, physically, mentally and spiritually.  Set limits that protect your space, feelings, time and energy.  By doing so you give yourself permission to have what you want and to ask for it directly because you are worth it.

2. Vent privately first. When the situation has an emotional charge to it, it is important to find a way to diffuse those emotions before you stand up for yourself.  If not, you could risk damaging the relationship altogether.  Writing your feelings in a letter you never send to the person or talking about how you feel with someone you trust are two ways to neutralize the emotion.

3. Start your conversations with “I”. Remember, this is about you, not them.  Be responsible for your needs and let the other person be responsible for theirs.  Once you say how you feel, be sure to say what you need from the other person instead.  Let the other person respond to your request and prepare yourself ahead of time for how you will process their feedback.

4. Get support! Standing up for your self requires courage. Having support from others who love you will offer you strength as you practice standing up for yourself.  As you venture into this new way of being, you will make mistake and be unprepared for how others will react.  A supportive partner can help you prepare and pick you up after your encounter.

5. Let go of blame.  When you realize that you are responsible only for yourself, it makes being true to yourself a necessary part of your life.   It’s easy to sit back and blame others for why your life isn’t working instead of admitting you never really let other know what you needed from them in the first place.

6. Be kind to yourself first. When we stand up for our truth, we are letting the world know we are worth it and we know we are worth it when we stand up for our self!

7. Tell your truth. It may be right, it may be wrong, but it’s yours.  Don’t back down from what you know is true for you, in the now.  Your truth may change in the future, but only the present is real and by expressing your truth now, you allow freedom for continued growth and evolution to occur.

8. Know your values. Knowing your truth is to know your values, what’s important to you and what you stand for and applying them to your work and life.  When you do, you experience the power of true authenticity and so does the world around you.

9. Feel your feelings fully! Feelings are the language of the soul.  By feeling them, we can recognize erroneous beliefs, thoughts and actions that are holding us back from being our truest selves and our full expression of ourselves.  By facing uncomfortable feelings, we also realize they won’t kill us, but instead they tend to dissolve and set us free!

10. Celebrate who you are! Stop caring what others think.  What other people think about you isn’t really about you.  It’s about them.  By celebrating and being who you really are and taking action on living the life you want, you actually do others a huge favor!  You inspire them to celebrate themselves.

Here are a few facts: Our current population is getting heavier even though as many as 40 percent of women and 24 percent of men are trying to lose weight at any given time. Unfortunately, our cultures expectation about body size has led to an unhealthy obsession with weight. The underlying cultural view and the message given by the media is that being thin will make us feel healthier, more beautiful and happier. The media images bombarding us today are unrealistic and seem to lead us on a mission for the “ideal body”. Precious time and energy is being consumed by thinking about, talking about, worrying about, and trying to find the magic cure for fixing our weight. Even so, statistics prove that there is no magic cure. People who go on “diets” typically gain back as much as one-third to two-thirds of the weight within one year and almost all of it within five years.

Our self-worth becomes entwined with these messages. Because of our cultures obsession with thinness, it is increasingly difficult for us to see the beauty and diversity in different sizes and shapes. It is increasingly difficult for us to not judge ourselves and others by how we look rather than who we are. For, our true beauty is reflected in our soul, our passion, in what we do for others, and how we care for ourselves.

Learning to take extremely good care of yourself is a vital part of body, mind, spirit coaching. Taking a non-dieting approach that focuses on self-acceptance, physical activity, and normalized eating frees you from the “diet mentality” to do better, more important things with your time and energy. The non-dieting approach takes the emphasis off calorie counting, counting exchanges, scales, fat gram counting, and the “ideal body.”

Finally keep in mind that change takes time and be patient with yourself. Seek out supportive people and environments and change because you already are a wonderful person—not because you want to become one.

Fear based intention are unconscious beliefs that are usually a result of believing some “lie” about yourself that you have chosen to believe. The “lie” is usually some variation of believing that you are not safe, are not in control or are not loved. For example, if you have a desire to lose weight, but your unconscious belief is that you could lose your husband or your friends (and lose approval/love), or you would become noticeable (no longer safe inside your fat), then the buried belief would keep you from succeeding if the emotion emanating from it is stronger than the feeling of achieving your goal.

People tend to seek consistency in their beliefs and perceptions.  Whether you know it or not, you may be holding on to certain beliefs about yourself as sacred truths about who you are and what you are capable of.  When you have a conflicting desire, you create what is called cognitive dissonance, which is another name for having conflicting intentions. The term cognitive dissonance is used to describe the feeling of discomfort that results from holding two conflicting beliefs.

When there is a discrepancy between unconscious beliefs and desired conscious goals and behaviors, something must change in order to eliminate or reduce the dissonance. If you feel fear or anxiety related to achieving your desired goal, then you know it’s your subconscious mind wrestling with two contradictory truths or beliefs such as “I am a fat person” and “I am healthy and fit and at my best weight.”

But the good news is, the fear and anxiety you are feeling is evidence that you are successfully integrating the new idea into your subconscious mind; and if you persist toward your goal in spite of the fear, you will overcome the old programming. Through coaching and your awareness of the belief connected to the conflicting emotion, you can begin to let go of the unwanted feelings and beliefs and begin replacing those old worn out thought patterns with new, more supportive, constructive or nurturing ones.

The truth isn’t that you have poor self-esteem…and dream of being confident, or are a failure…and dream of success, or are unloved…and dream of being loved. The truth is that you are already confident, successful and loved…but you dream that you are not.
– Denise Linn.

I once read about this remote tribe of people called the Huli living in remote areas of Papua, New Guniea. Until recently, they had never been exposed to anyone or anything outside of their immediate area. Many of the things we know about did not exist to them. To them, there were no such things as computers, grocery stores and banks. There were no governments and no stock-market. Electricity, telephones, and roads were not comprehensible. These things truly did not exist in their world!

Yet, you and I know they are real. But the Huli’s reality is just as real to them, as yours is to you. The truth is, we all live in different realities, with different possibilities. So what does this mean to you and your dreams and goals? It means if it’s not in your reality to believe it’s possible to achieve your dreams and goals, it will never be your reality. In fact, there are six billion plus people on this planet and six billion plus realities taking place on earth right now, this very moment. Each one of us lives in a different world and different reality with different lists of rules for what is possible and what isn’t. I live in a completely different reality than you do. You make your rules and I make mine. You live by what you think is possible in your world and I live by what I think is possible in mine. And each of you have created the rules that define your reality, or you have adopted the rules of others.

And here is the key… You have the power to completely create new rules that re-define your reality. If something is not working for you, you have adopted rules that are not serving you. You have beliefs about what is possible and what is not possible that do not line up with your desires. But you can change these rules and you can do it instantly. What is impossible in your reality today can be possible tomorrow if you desire it to be.

This explains why some people have no problems, challenges or issues with their health, or their relationships or their prosperity, while others struggle in one or more of these areas. It is because your reality is a reflection of the way you see yourself inside. If you TRULY believe you are already healthy, wealthy and loved (which you are), then you will automatically do the things that healthy, wealthy, and loved people do! And, this will automatically attract other healthy, wealthy, happy, successful people into your life, expanding your beliefs and possibilities even further.

Most people try to “get healthy, happy, loved, rich” before they start to act healthy, happy, loved or rich, but It doesn’t work that way. The belief has to come first, which leads to correct actions, which brings the desired results.

You can’t fake belief. You can try, but you can’t. Belief in what you’re capable of happens by constantly creating, and re-creating the rules by which this world operates for you based on new experiences and new understanding. You need to continually expand your universe by accepting new rules of possibility discovered through reading, listening, and learning about the realities of others who have already created what you seek. When you see that someone else has created the reality that you want and you hear the story of how they made it happen, these are powerful worlds to learn from because they open up new rules, and new beliefs inside of you.

When you expose yourself to these people’s worlds, and open yourself up to new possibilities and be willing to adopt the rules they live by, your rules will change. Things which were once impossible for you will suddenly become possible. Idea’s you’ve never had will begin to flood your mind. The outside world you live in will slowly begin to change as you place new rules upon it. When your level of belief about a new rule you set for yourself becomes stronger than your current belief, then your world will change and you will have what you seek. Belief comes first, results come second. Define your new reality. Live it. Sleep it. Dream it. And your life will become it.

Effortless manifesting is simply that.  It’s not about trying, making it hard, or getting frustrated because what you want is not showing up.  It’s about ease and allowing what you want to flow to you.  It’s about trust and faith that your good is on its way to you.  Here are three tips for effortless manifesting that will take you out of struggle and lack and start attracting to you all the things you desire and deserve.

Visualize Every Day: Do you know what your ideal life looks like? It is important to be clear about what you want, if you aren’t, you will just draw things to you by default.  But, if you make time every single day to envision your ideal life, even if it’s just 2 minutes a day, you can begin changing your situation.
The key here is to enjoy the process! It’s like make believing! Do you remember when you were a kid and you daydreamed about things you wished for? It’s like that! You must feel yourself in that life! “Walk” yourself through a perfect day/life for you. What job do you have? What are you eating? Who are you spending time with? The more detailed you can be the better because it will stir up a strong emotion. Emotion is “energy in motion” and vibrates at a specific frequency attracting the same frequency back to you, like a boomerang. You new life begins to flow to you and around you.

It’s important to not worry about how and when it will happen, but to keep feeling the feelings of already having that life. This is simple physics-energy follows thought or like attracts like.

Focus on Gratitude: When you find yourself starting to wonder how or when your ideal life is going to start showing up for you, bring your focus to gratitude instead.  Stop worry or concern in its tracks by naming at least 3 things you are grateful for, then feel the feelings of happiness for the abundance you already have! These good feelings are releasing blocks that prevent you from receiving. Feeling gratitude everyday will bring miracles to you.

When you are having trouble finding something to be grateful for, know that there are many people around the world who would give anything to live the life you are living right now. Start saying thank you for the simple things around you and keep going with it! Pretty soon you will be overflowing with the knowing that you are completely supported!

So many wonderful things are awaiting you attention! The hot shower you had in the morning, the delicious breakfast, the hug from a friend, the way your body feels when you stretch , the warmth of the sunshine, the beauty of nature, and so on and so on.  Take the time everyday to make a list of at least 10 things you are grateful for.  Get into the habit of doing this and it will start to become natural. You will find whenever you have time on your hands, like standing in line at the grocery store, instead of feeling irritated, you will choose to start naming all the blessing in your day so far, like the ability to purchase the food you are now buying! The more you feel gratitude, the more you will draw things to be grateful for.  Energy follows thought!

Let Go of Old Energy Blocking Your Creation

If you are not getting what you want in your life, you are not vibrating at the same frequency of these things.  It’s as simple as that. The way your life is now is a result of how you are currently vibrating, whether you know about it or not.  But you can change this by becoming consciously aware of any negative emotions surfacing around the “lack” of what you desire. This is either past time energy showing up or you are projecting a worrisome thought about the future.

Here is an exercise you can use to help process or release these blocks that are preventing you from balance, harmony and receiving:

Imagine a bubble in front of you.  Take a deep breath in and when you exhale, breathe the negative emotions into the bubble. You can visualize it as black smoke swirling around inside the bubble.  Now imagine another bubble next it with a golden filter between the 2 bubbles. You are going to take your power back by transferring it into the 2^nd bubble through the golden filter leaving only the negative energy in the first bubble.  With no power, the smoke just floats into a pile at the bottom of the first bubble.  Now release the first bubble and watch it float away, up into the atmosphere where it will be neutralized and dissolved.  Your power is represented by an array of bright, sparkling energy in the 2^nd bubble.  Breath you power back into your body from the bubble and feel yourself being filled and energized with the bright sparkling light, cleaning out any remaining blocks.  Imagine the bright, sparkling energy cleansing any blocks or negative energies left over from your aura as well, and you can even expand it to cleanse your home as well.  Take a few more deep breaths, smile and enjoy the feelings of lightness and clarity.

It is called mechanical resonance and it is what happens when you move your body.  Movement is a significant source of personal energy and results in a more beautiful and peaceful energy or Chi quality.

How you move and how much you move matters.   If you don’t get enough movement, the energy from past emotional experiences is likely to stay stuck in your body and energy field. This energy pools around you and becomes heavy, and you not only feel lethargic, but this thick energy makes it harder to receive and harder for the Universe to respond to you.  On the other hand,  if you stop and start over and over and move in an agitated or urgent manner, the energy signals you are sending out are very fragmented and your energy is more abrasive, which will naturally attract more of the same in the people and situations you encounter in your life.

The goal is to exercise consistently in a relaxed, conscious and joyful manner.  Smile and breathe.  When you breathe deeply, get regular and varied types of exercise, and move in a comfortable manner for you, this will initiate a chi or life force energy that resonates in pure, peaceful and attractive vibrations!

A good way to add to the energy and the experience is make a conscious intention to clear out any old, negative energy or emotions as you do your activity, whether it’s going for a walk or just stretching.  Affirm that you’re cleansing your energy with each inhale and exhale.

Also, paying attention to your posture is important.  Good posture projects confidence and opens up your heart center, allowing you to connect with the Universe and everyone in it.  Be joyful in your activity! Move your body because you love yourself, not because societal messages want you to believe you are not good enough and you need to change how you look.  Move for your health and fitness, yes, but also to change your vibration.   Your body will respond to this new, improved energy and as it does, you will open yourself to a new vibrant sense of self as you begin to let go of the old energy and just relax into being fully you.  When you do, you will never look at exercise the same way again.  It is no longer something you have to do in order for others to approve of you or even you of yourself.  It becomes something you look forward to for the energy it creates in and around you and the feeling of being at peace with yourself and the world.

1. Be Generous With Your Appreciation.

How often do you feel or give appreciation? How important is appreciation? Studies show that appreciation of others and of yourself is strongly correlated with happiness and health. I know of people who have quit their jobs for not feeling appreciated for their contributions in the workplace. I’ve also seen the opposite. When people are acknowledged for their efforts, they feel better about giving and often go beyond the call of duty. Experiment with this and experience the magic for yourself. Appreciation changes people. In families, appreciation can minimize or prevent problems. Start appreciating those you care about for all those things you take for granted, like “Thanks for being out there earning a living so we can pay our bills each month”, “ Thanks for the juggling you do every day to take care of our family”, “ Thank you for being a wonderful kid”, “ Thank you for cleaning up your room”, “ Thank you for bringing up this issue that we need to deal with”, “ Thanks for the great meals you make for us”, you get the idea. Make it a habit. Get the whole family involved. It may feel awkward at first, but after awhile the energy in your home will change, and problems will begin to disappear.

It works just as well in the workplace. “Good job when…”, “It made me smile when…”, “I know you’ve been working really hard lately and…”, then watch company moral skyrocket! If you want something from another, you must give it away first. If you want more appreciation in your life, start giving it out first and watch your wish come true!

2. State Your Intention or The Purpose Behind the Communication.

According to Dr. Rick Brinkman, a lifestyle management guru and author of “Life By Design”, whenever we communicate there is always a purpose behind that communication. A very effective way to communicate is to let people know your purpose or your (positive) intention first to avoid misunderstanding. Without the desired intention, defenses easily go up. People often need to know where we are coming from before they can really let go and listen. For example, you might say, “I love you and I really need to clear the air about what happened the other night”. This states the intention first and has a loving, positive tone. Consider the difference if the person had said, “I feel frustrated about what happened the other night and I think we need to talk about it”. The intention is unclear and immediately causes the other person to put up a protective wall!  Always state your intention first.

3. Assume a Positive Intention in Others.

Always assume the best intention in others. People will literally fall all over themselves to fulfill your positive expectations of them. There have been studies that prove when students work with teachers who believe in them to excel, they do. The expectations of the teachers get projected on to the students and in such cases, the students IQ is tested higher than normal for that student. This is the power of your projections! If we want to bring out the very best in your spouse, clients, employees and kids, you can start by just assuming the best and projecting positive expectations.

Sometimes another’s intention is good, but their actions are not welcome. For example, your husband decides to surprise you and rearrange the furniture. His intentions were good, but you hated what he did. If you just said, “You shouldn’t have done this, you need to move everything back the way it was”-do you think he would take the initiative to do something “nice” for you again? Probably not!  But, if you said, “Thank you honey for caring about the way our home looks, it was really great of you make this effort for me. But, what you didn’t know is I really don’t like it this way, can we try something different?” With this response he will not be afraid to try to please you another time.

4. Seek First to Understand.

An argument is two people wanting to be understood when neither one wants to understand. How to resolve an argument? Let the other person feel understood first. When they feel understood, they will then be able to give their full attention to you. Listening is the key to understanding. Let them know you are listening by giving specific feedback so the other person knows they are being heard and understood. The best way to do this is to simply take their words and give it back to them. This is a special technique used by counselors and coaches. Their words are special to them; it doesn’t work as well to try to use your own language. You can also ask questions for clarity if you need to. Listening and caring provides the feeling the other person is looking for. The final step is to confirm the other person feels understood by saying something like, “Do I understand this correctly?” Then it’s your turn to talk.

5. Enjoy Differences.

Recognize it is wonderful to have differences, and then to respect them. Each individual processes feelings differently according to their own life experience. If you are sensitive to this you can discover the best way to support the other person and get both of your needs met. A really useful question to ask when someone close to you starts a statement with “You don’t…”, is “How would you know if I…?”, For example, ” How would you know if I supported you?”, or “How would you know if I cared for you?” Their answers might surprise you and not be what you expected! Keep in mind; the people close to you often have their own criteria for getting their desires fulfilled based on their own model of the world! And it may not be the same as yours, so you need to ask. For example, one person’s criteria for a romantic evening may be very different than their partners! The intent may be the same (wanting intimate time together), but how to fulfill that intent is often not. Again, asking questions helps a lot! Ask, “What does a romantic evening look like for you?”, and then you may need to find a compromise.

6. Notice the Energy of Your Intention.

According to the bestseller “A Return to Love” by Marianne Williamson, when we come from a place of love and acceptance, and truly accept people as they are, this has the miraculous effect of helping them be better people. When we are always telling people what’s wrong with them, we don’t help them, instead, we paralyze them with shame and guilt. When we accept others unconditionally, we help them to feel good about themselves, to relax, and to find their way. This doesn’t mean we can’t share constructive criticism, but again, and energy of positive intent is important. It is the energy, good or bad, that is carried in our communication. The miracle is the authentic intention to communicate with love not fear. According to the book, “The key to communication is not what we say, but rather the attitude that lies behind what we say”.

7. Create a Relationship Agreement.

The following relationship tool can help with maintaining healthy relationships. It is called a relationship agreement. Sit down with your spouse, your son/daughter, or your business partner and come up with some agreements about how to communicate with each other. Then when things start to go amuck, (and when our feelings turn into emotional reactions, they easily do!), you can get the agreement out and say “Remember how we agreed to communicate?”

Examples of mutual relationship agreements might include:

* To have weekly meetings.

* To communicate without blame.

* To communicate only from love-not fear.

* To take turns with who gets to start when settling an argument

* To create and have a plan for how to exit an argument so you can come back to it after you’ve gained some perspective.

* To always state the positive intent first.

Every two people who come together bring uniqueness to that relationship, so each particular relationship agreement will be unique as well.

Relationships are such a big part of your personal Body, Mind, Spirit landscape and affect every part of your being, so if you’ve been struggling, do your part and watch the transformations begin!

But, when you take conscious control of the “wheel” of your life and become fully aware of your patterns of reaction, you can begin to feel certain that you will arrive at your desired outcome while fully enjoying the trip!

This will require practicing full awareness of your mental and emotional responses to life.  When a boulder gets thrown in your path, instead of retreating, complaining, giving up, or just sitting there feeling sorry for yourself, you can make a more enlightened choice to find a new way, via higher thoughts, feelings and behaviors.

To become more aware of your thoughts, you must first be open to examining your feelings and emotions.  When you notice along the way that challenges do come up, and some of those challenges will produce an uncomfortable or negative feeling, you’ll find the source of those feelings and behaviors is directly connected to what you are thinking.  When you find your journey is being fueled with unwanted feelings and behaviors, and discover the thoughts behind them, consider the positive thought options available to you and ask yourself: “Why not take the positive route instead?”

If you find yourself continuously choosing a route that takes you further away from your goals and dreams, in other words, making choices that dishonor or disempower you, decide that you can consciously make the choice to release those habits and make a choice to change your thoughts.

The road to your destination will never be perfect.  You may miss your turn, run into a roadblock or encounter bad weather, but that is part of the adventure! By “course-correcting” your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, one day at a time, you will consciously reach your destination and have a whole lot of fun along the way! The choice is yours.

You could be going along just fine, feeling good, and everything seems to be going great.  Heck, you are doing all the right things!  Visualizing, journaling, writing out all the things you are grateful for, and staying in the moment.  Then somewhere along the way, WHAM!, something triggers that painful feeling of unworthiness.  Maybe you made a mistake, or someone cuts you down, or you fail at something you’ve been working on (or its just not happening fast enough!), or you didn’t get the job or the sale or the raise you really, really wanted.

Yep, this is prime fertilizer for the ego mind.  All of a sudden, you cannot remember any of that feel good stuff you’ve been working on because you have just gone into the “downward spiral” of despair, anger, or sadness.  It’s at this point when we start thinking, “Poor me, I guess I just don’t have what it takes” or “There must be something wrong with me” or “I’m just not good enough”.  The other thing we might do is go into the “Aint it awful’s.”  You know what I mean.  The “Aint it awful I have to do this, when I really want to be doing that?”, “Aint it awful I can’t have the car (job, relationship, income, happiness…) I desire?”, “Aint it awful this is all taking so long!?”

Whoa!!!! The minute you notice yourself going down this all too familiar path, is the moment to change that negative momentum.  I KNOW it’s not easy.  We are sooo practiced at our reactions to our particular pain triggers.  They have served us so well in soothing our bruised ego’s in the past that we have become conditioned to automatically go there!  The problem is that when we are in “Aint it awful” or “Feeling Sorry” mode we are creating from that mode.   We are creating more “Aint it awful” and “Feeling Sorry” circumstance to come into our lives.  These feelings do not serve us- they defeat us.

Here are a few “Be Certain of Success” tricks to help you get back into the flow of feeling good.

1. Take one of your “Aint it awfuls” and make a gratitude list about it.  For example, if you are not where you want to be financially, make a list of how grateful you are for what you DO have!  (If you have a car, a computer and a T.V. set, you are in the top 10% of the worlds economic status!)  Your list might include: Your current steady paycheck (at least you have one!), your home, never going without food, a warm bed to sleep in, a loving dog, a beautiful park to walk through nearby, etc…
2. Remember that any feelings of unworthiness are beliefs given to you by someone else-they do not belong to you.  Someone else decided a long time ago that you were unworthy based on his or her own insecurities.  You just chose to believe it because you did not know any different.  But now you do!  You are a child of GOD-you are made of the same energy!  How can you possibly be unworthy?
3. Try the Emotional Freedom Technique otherwise called “tapping”.  It helps release negative emotions that are trapped in your body.  Go to http://www.tapping.com for more information.
4. There are many other energy clearing techniques to help you let go of unwanted energy including Reiki, Qi Gong, Chakra Balancing and Breath work.  You might experiment and find the one(s) that work best for you.

Finally, don’t wait!!! This is the most important of all!!  The Universe (God, Source) wants you to have what you want for yourself!  It wants you to have abundance, love, happiness and joy.  It wants you to have that new job, that successful career, or that great new relationship.  But, it can’t give it to you if you are feeling sorry for yourself or don’t feel you deserve it! The energy just doesn’t line up!  If we are waiting for that new job, new body, or new partner in order to finally be happy, then we will never receive it.  We must BE the happiness we desire RIGHT NOW in order to provide the opening for our good to flow to us.  So be the happiness, love, joy and abundance now!